My Grandmother's Passing

As many of you know, I had to cancel my trip to World Fantasy Convention in San Diego. Not many of you know why... On the morning of October 25th, I woke thinking very much of my Grandmother, Opal Graves. How she was a shining light in all my days on this planet, how she loved everyone unconditionally, and spread joy wherever she went. She had been in remission from Cancer--I'll make a list to more appropriately show you the timeline:

Breast Cancer: 25 years
(a return of the original Breast Cancer, spread) Lymph Node Cancer: 24 years
Peritoneal Cancer: 1.5 years
Ovarian Cancer: 1.5 years
(a non-invasive, non-spreading) Cancer of the Milk Ducts: 1.5 years

She was 87 years old, and had been through the ringer with all that cancer. It was the single most fear in her body to be riddled with it, and not be able to live. In July, she went in for a dose of Chemo to begin treating what the doctors believed to be a recurrence of the Ovarian Cancer, though no biopsy had been done. She was experiencing a bowel obstruction, and the doctors spent over a month trying to decide how best to treat it--do surgery and get as much out as they could, and THEN treat it with Chemo...or shrink the tumor with Chemo and THEN do surgery on the rest.

There was a myriad of doctors all putting in their $.02 worth, and none of them could agree on what to do. So her long time Oncologist recommended the Chemo. In August, just a few days after her first dose she was rushed to the hospital. They had overdosed her, and her body was shutting down. She fought back as best she could, and when I visited her in Virginia that month, I spent 3 days with her at the Hospital, and 3 days with her in a rehabilitation facility close by, after the hospital could do nothing more to help her. She had been feeling better, and decided she was going to come and visit me in California this January.

Still...we waited for news of a doctor that would operate to remove the obstruction, and it somehow came out that the biopsy had never been done, and they could not technically confirm it was the cancer causing the obstruction--however likely the case.

I spoke to her weekly; sometimes daily. Each time she would say, "Please don't give up on me. Just keep trying. Keep calling me." My aunt had been diligently attempting to get her in to John's Hopkins, after every other surgeon said no to surgery because of her age and the risk associated with age. On the week of October 22, we had confirmation that she could be transferred to John's Hopkins that Friday.

On October 25th, I woke thinking of her. How she was doing...her well being. The fear she must have, as all people wrestle with reconciling before death or what could be death. I tried to call her, but there was no answer. Instead, I set up an 11am call with a well-known psychic from TV. A year ago before, I had gotten a reading from her on my own health concerns, and she had been spot on in a life-saving way about everything. I didn't want to go to San Diego without knowing if my Grandmother was going to pass away -- I would rather be in VA with her, and had a trip already set for November 7.

She was able to tell me my grandmother would not make it to November 7th, and she saw something specific about Halloween, but couldn't say exactly what date she would die. I wasn't upset with this. I knew she was on her way out of this world, and I just wanted to know approximately when, so I could plan accordingly. She asked me if I could some how divert my trip to fly there after the convention was over, or get a refund, or just not go.

I decided to not go, and put all my efforts into changing that trip as soon as we got off the phone. 10 minutes later, my aunt phoned in tears telling me she wasn't going to make it, and they were taking her off the ventilator. I said, "I know. It's ok--don't worry," and told her the advice the psychic had given me to allay her fears--"Tell her to practice popping herself out of her body like a cork on champagne, when she feels the moment is near, and she will feel no pain. Her passing will be easy." I also told her, "Tell her not to wait for me, and not to be afraid. Tell her I love her." And she did.

With my new flight plan in place for a red-eye that very night to Virginia, I started to pack at around 1:30pm. I began searching my closet for plain black dresses to wear to the viewing and funeral services. Each time I reached for one, I heard my grandmother's voice inside my head say, "Oh, no. Not that one. Wear the fancy one..." It was a dress I had picked out for my birthday celebration, which was to be October 28th, the day of my actual birth date. "You can't wear THAT one," She'd say. "Pick the pretty one." I found it all very strange. Then I got the text message that she had passed on at 4:30pm EST, exactly 1:30pm PST. "Did you tell her what to do?" I asked my aunt. "Yes, honey, I did." "Did she go easy?" I asked. "Yes, it was very easy."

As I went about my day, crying and packing and generally relieved she was no longer in any pain, she set about chattering on in my head. It was as if we were having one of our lengthy phone conversations, and I struggled to validate that it really was her and not my imagination. I can communicate with the dead, but very rarely can I communicate with my own dead relatives--it is the same way with Tarot reading. I can read everyone's cards but my own. Everything turns up with a veil over it, so I can't see into it clearly.

At the airport, I was searching for reading material and a blank journal. I found her chattering on again, as I was kneeling at a rotational kiosk of blank books. "Pick the Egyptian one," she said in my mind. "I can see no Egyptian one here...there just isn't one to pick." I said. "You aren't looking hard enough. It's there." I gave up on the blank books, and what I thought to be my mind playing tricks on me. Even a Medium questions her own abilities from time to time, and this was breaking all my rules of engagement. So I began to browse through the bookshelves. When I had come full circle to the shelf that was right next to the little kiosk I had abandoned, a title jumped out at me: CLEOPATRA. And my grandmother's voice, "See. I told you so." I bought the book.

As we ascended in the aircraft towards my connection in Minnesota, I heard her speak again, "You wouldn't believe it! There are so many stars...so, so many. It really is beautiful." And she sounded happier than I'd heard her in a long time. She was so excited for her funeral--to see all the people in the world she loved so dearly, come to celebrate her.

It was a grim drive, but I finally arrived at my Aunt's house in Manassas. I kept them fed and going, and we split up into lists of things we each could do to pull the services and responsibilities together. Everywhere I went, I saw signs of her influence, though her voice was growing distant from me, and I was finding myself missing having her chatter in my head. There were others now, she needed to talk to. She was exploring; finding her options for communication...and finding them limited.

One night, as I slept, the cat sleeping on my bed startled, and shot out of the room. I opened my eyes and next to my bed, I saw her opaque silhouette standing there. "Grandmama, it's not a good time to call--I'm sleeping." I would tell her. "But I know you are here, and you are trying. I love you. Please don't scare the cat."

The day of October 27th, my little sister gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I was an Aunt--and very happy, despite the circumstances--to know that as something wonderful had left this world, something equally wonderful was entering it.

The next day was my birthday. We went to Grandmamma's apartment to feed her birds and pick out a dress for her casket. It was a pretty periwinkle blue with the tags still on. She liked it, but had never worn it...so that's what we chose, along with her best wig.

The next day, I was watching TV on the bed in the guest room, and the cat started acting strange. He would not go near the bed, and when he tried to sniff it out on the side closest to the dresser, he startled again and again with each sniff and darted out of the room. He stayed just beyond the open door, pacing, as if wanting to come in but being afraid.

The dog came in an hour later, hopped up on the bed, and on the side that the cat had startled in, he began rubbing himself all over it, rolling and getting his scent on it. Afterwards, he ran right back out. My aunt later told me that was her side of the bed, and I wagered she was lying down with me, watching old movies. We used to watch movies together, when I was a child. I asked her again to stop scaring the animals. Told her again that I loved her.

On errands, I would pass Opal Drive, and smile. When it came time to choose a dress for the viewing, which was to be held twice on Halloween--2-4pm, and 7-9pm (The psychic was right again, on the Halloween part), my aunt suggested the pretty 1940's style dress, instead of the plain ones I'd brought. Her funeral was the day after--All Saint's Day, 11/1/11, at 11am. For that, I wore my birthday dress--a very fancy floor-length, silk, cocktail gown. Just as she asked.

The turn-out was wonderful; she was enjoying every part of it, and had been making the rounds to others, with her signs. Her youngest sister, Sue, told me she had experienced things too, and it was comforting. I placed a heart-shaped Labradorite stone in her casket, by her hands, to help her communicate with us whenever she wanted to.

Slowly but surely, her presence with me began to go silent, as she made her goodbyes and last wishes carried out. It had been a gift to have her for as long as we did in our lives, and an even greater gift to have been able to communicate with her in her afterlife. The togetherness as a family was very important to her, and I think that wish was carried out, at least in the services and the wake...but without her as Matriarch of our scattered band of related flesh, I doubt we'll see much of each other in the coming years, if ever again at all.

There is so much connected in one single soul, to so many parts of the web on earth, and at times like these, it's easy to both see the connections and the disconnect. Still...I loved her so, and she will be missed. I have no doubt she'll poke her nose into my business once in a while, to let me know she's there.

As a medium, it is comforting to know that she's ok, in a happier state, and in no pain. It is comforting to know she is still out there, somewhere, and not gone forever. That I will see her when I die, and many other loved ones that occasionally visit me. Having a firm understanding of this, lets me know I can help others who have had family members or loved ones pass. Sometimes it's the spirit that needs the help, and not the living. More often than not, it's the living needing a way to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Grandmamma. I love you. Don't worry. I'm still listening.

As we wind our way into the holiday season, I am reminded, yet again, to be thankful of my gifts. I am thankful to not fear them, and to utilize them to help others in their own quests for peace. I am thankful for the stars and the universe, and all the souls in it that give me counsel and guidance. I am also thankful for you reading this message, as it gives me strength to be open and discuss it.

Many blessings to you all, and Happy Thanksgiving.